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June 11th, 2008
 | 07:51 am - And Now for Something Completely Different........
Yeah, this would be me....
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/happy.gif) amused
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 | 07:45 am - surprise, surprise....
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Panic at the Disco
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June 6th, 2008
 | 09:39 am - the law of attraction
i realized something today. I know where my son gets it. when he was little, if you took him to the fair or the beach or to a party, the more fun he had, the worse he would feel when it was time to go home. The stoppage of the fun would overwhelm him so totally that it would ruin his memory of the entire experience. when he fell in love with our terrier, and then she had to go to the vet the next day with a life-threatening illness, his fear of her death was so strong that he couldn't play with her when she got well and came home. She wasn't "his dog" any more. And he missed a lot of the rest of the relationship before he could cope again.
But I'm no longer a child. At some point while I wasn't looking, I got older than 14. I don't have to be afraid I will never have any fun again. and today I remembered to be grateful. grateful for the loves that I have had. the joy they've given me. the experiences, the laughing, the sex, the fun. The adventure, the sense of possibility, the chance for growth. The pure intensity of feeling. Suddenly once again I could spout paeans of praise for each of them. Each of you. You know who you are.
We give each other flowers BECAUSE they die. To remind us. Life is transient. We live in time. Carpe diem, gather ye roses while ye may, etc, etc.
No wonder I am so fond of rosebushes. They just keep making more roses. Of course, me being me, I'm fondest of the giant castle-eating climbers that you couldn't kill with a barrel of Round-up and a chainsaw.
Current Location: desk
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/good.gif) peaceful
Current Music: Fernando (snrk)
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June 4th, 2008
| 04:49 pm - A Fun Meme I Stole
1. Your cell phone?
samsung 2. Your significant other?
which one? 3.Your hair?
long 4.Your mother?
Has grown up a lot in the last few years:) 5.Your father?
I think he's been reincarnated, but names have been changed to protect...the innocent...the guilty....everybody... 6.Your favorite thing?
sex 7.Your dream last night?
well, not last night I don't think I had one. I was awake too much of it. 8.Your favorite drink?
coffee & chicory 9.Your dream/goal?
Poly Farm:) A PRACTICAL utopian community...with good camouflage and a brain. 10.The room you’re in?
my "office" in the basement. 11.Your exfriend?
my friendships tend to fade rather than explode...although I did reluctantly have to ex one friend for deliberately ignoring house rules while he was staying with me and a houseful of young children. 12.Your fear?
never getting what I want 13.Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Poly Farm:) 14.Where were you last night?
in the spare room. 15.What you’re not?
relaxed. 16.Muffins?
Yes, please. 17.One of your wish list items?
just one? oh, okay. um. wait. Just one? See my Amazon list, 357 items at last count, and that's just the BOOKS. Oh wait, Poly Farm. 18.Where you grew up?
i don't know that I have...but I was a navy brat. 19.The last thing you did?
typed a medical chart and navigated here... 20.What are you wearing?
sweats, a bennigan's long-sleeved tee, silver triskelion pendant 21.Your TV?
wait, we have a TV? Oh yeah. My TV....is in my way and needs dusting. 22.Your pets?
3 cats, 2 dogs 23.Your computer?
i hasn't got one. this is a work one supplied by Corporate. wait, i'm supposed to be working.... 24.Your life?
perpetually on hold... 25.Your mood?
bored 26.Missing someone?
yep 27.Your car?
cherry red crown Vic. who doesn't LIKE to go under 80 miles an hour. 28.Something you’re not wearing?
perfume 29.Favorite Store?
I hate stores. oh wait. Amazon. 30.Your summer?
hasn't really started yet. 31.Like someone?
several someones. 32.Your favorite color?
plaid. no wait, that was my son. Cyan. 33.Last time you laughed?
within the last hour 34.Last time you cried?
yesterday 35.Who will re-post reply to this?
no clue.
Current Location: desk
Current Music: Rockabye
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| 06:26 am - morning
so. another day. did okay on line count yesterday, so maybe the new perspective is helping. such as it is. the gerbil in my head who runs in circles screaming "we have to get this done, wait, you forgot that, no, you should be doing the other thing!" has returned from its 6-week vacation. it was nice to have it shut up for a while, but i guess that means this was the shortest NRE in history. in my history, anyway. still crave the relationship, but can't sustain the adrenaline:)
the creeping gardenia started blooming yesterday, along with the Easter lily. the big crepe myrtle in the back started on Sunday. the tall orange daylilies are going. I have finally started to dig out one of the beds in the shrubbery, with which the Fiskaars shovel is invaluable, if a little heavy. I need to pick up some newspaper to line it and smother the bermuda grass roots I am sure to miss. i want to fix my tiller but I am afraid of it. anything with the potential to explode or self-propel itself over my feet makes me nervous for some reason. still, if I want to farm I had better learn to get over it.
only have a few minutes before work. so i'd better go watch the sun come up.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/cool.gif) calm
Current Music: muskrat love
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May 31st, 2008
| 11:42 pm - background music
"on the midnight watch I realized why twice you ran away
Think about how many times I have fallen
the spirits are using me
Larger voices callin'
What heaven brought you and me
cannot be forgotten.....
i have been around the world
lookin' for that woman-girl
who knows love can endure
and you know it will....
you understand now why you came this way
'cause the truth you might be runnin' from is so small
but it's as big as the promise
the promise of the coming day"
"She changes everything she touches, and
everything she touches, changes"
"there's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
and you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
and these mistakes you make,
you'll just make them again
if you only try turning around......
so breathe, just breathe......"
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: duh
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May 28th, 2008
| 01:22 pm - garden
the first gardenia bloomed day before yesterday, and now there are 5 The crinum is blooming. the clematis just dropped its last petal. the orange daylily should be opening any minute now. the easter lily and the turk's cap are setting bud. the privet is done. the calendula is in mid flush. The jasmine is still going madly. the wild elderberries have just started to flower, but the ones we cut back have not started yet. the dianthus in the maple bed is blooming, the ones in the mailbox bed went to seed and need deadheading. the crepe myrtles are setting bud. the oakleaf hydrangea is in full bloom.
the winter jasmine is blooming, but why now? how odd. the columbines have gone to seed. the blackberries are starting to fruit.
the fairy just finished its first flush and is budding the next. the joseph's coat is still going. cecile brunner is still going. the red parades are still going. old blush seems to be done for the moment.
i have canna roller again. isn't there something that eats that? the old rose NOS has powdery mildew. the white parade rose has been engulfed in sweet autumn clematis. the black-eyed susans and the sedum spectabile have been overwhelmed by elderberry. the weeds are taking over. the ironwood is going to have to be moved out of the crepe myrtle's bed. I need more time.
it rained, just a few minutes of steady, heavy rain. i hope it does it again.
Current Location: desk, garden
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/creative.gif) busy
Current Music: hard metal noise from Lee's computer
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May 27th, 2008
 | 05:30 pm - dream journal
was having nap today. woke up while dreaming there was this strange little brown bird in the pine needles at my feet, like something between a kiwi bird and a small rodent. And one of the several unidentified people standing around in the woods with me said, Hey, what the heck is that?
So I called it by its name, which was Princess, so obviously after Bob Asprin's cat, and it came over to me. And I realized it was a construct, a simulacrum, like a little magical robot with a clear plastic sphere for a head and a little coneshaped brown body. It was hopping up and down because its stubby little wings would not lift it high enough off the ground to get into my lap, so I picked it up. And Steve woke me up. Go figure? I was trying to meditate on the Tarot card the Tower when I fell asleep. Not grokking this one.
Current Location: desk/basement couch
Current Mood: befuddled
Current Music: Sound of Change
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May 21st, 2008
| 03:14 pm - Pain
I found this quote from the Buddhist article "Right Attitude" by Jack Kornfield. "You can't open the heart for pleasure and not feel the pain. The world is dual; it's up/down, light/dark, hot/cold, and when we open, we discover a kind of capacity for joy and for understanding which allows for the fact that life has pleasure and pain. It's got them both. If you don't want pain, go to another planet, because this one has light and dark, sweet and sour, hot and cold, and pleasure and pain. That's the game. ... Don't try and change it. There are wonderful things you can learn from it. This is from the Sufis again: Overcome any bitterness that may have come because you were not up to the magnitude of the pain that was entrusted to you. Like the mother of the world who carries the pain of the world in her heart, each one of us is part of her heart and therefore each is endowed with a certain measure of cosmic pain. You are sharing in the totality of that pain and are called upon to meet it in joy instead of self-pity. It's not a judgment but rather realizing we have this capacity, we have a beautiful capacity to suffer, and we have a beautiful capacity to love, and we have a beautiful capacity to open to the richness of our experience which has all that in it..."
Current Location: desk
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/thoughtful.gif) contemplative
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May 16th, 2008
 | 05:51 am - lyric of the day
"the wide world spins and spits turmoil
And nations toil
For peace...
The paws of fear upon your chest
Only love can soothe that beast
But my words like paper tigers
no match for the predator of pain inside her.....
And I say love will come to you...
well i wish her insight
to battle love's blindness
strength from the milk of human kindness
a safe place from all the pieces that shatter
you learn to pretend
there's more than love
that matters..."
Indigo Girls, "love will come to you"
Current Music: duh
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May 15th, 2008
| 09:00 am - more garden
the gardenias, magnolia, easter lily, turk's cap are in bud. The oakleaf hydrangea blossom is beginning to open. the wild strawberries are bearing madly, and our single volunteer 'real' strawberry has fruit on it. the flossflower, black-and-blue salvia, and the four-o'clocks are coming up, including some with oddly variegated leaves.
the spirea, jack in the pulpit, mock orange, beauty berries and bugbane have all come back; i wasn't sure they would. I lost the lantana and some of the gardenia cuttings over the winter, and BOTH MY FIGS. Including the slip from my grandmother's tree, from a property now sold that was one of the few anchors of my childhood. Some losses cannot be recovered.
the phlox is done; i need to shear it.
Current Location: desk
Current Mood: content
Current Music: ONJ, The Promise
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| 07:10 am - morning musings
Feeling strangely solid this morning.
There is something so cool about turning off the alarm, rolling over, getting up, getting coffee, smoking a cigarette, and then going downstairs in your pajamas to go to work. My inner FlyLady is hollering, "you haven't brushed your hair or dressed to shoes!!!! You haven't eaten anything!" (unless you count mini marshmellows, because I haven't even bothered to put in my dentures yet.) But you know what? I can't do early shift with my kids AND later shift with my spouse, and still get up at 0-dark-thirty raring to go. And because I took the time to do the training to work from home, I don't HAVE to. I'll grab my teeth and a sandwich when it's time for a coffee break. Me & the house will get cleaned up when I get my 3-HOUR lunch break. The grocery shopping will get done while my spouse cooks dinner.
My brilliant, talented, beautiful daughter just made it into our little local Crepe Myrtle Idol talent contest. She was so nervous last year she flubbed try-outs, but she blew them away this year at auditions. Singing Kelly Clarkson, "Because of You." I am so proud of her I could burst. and jealous, let's not forget jealous. They only let in the 18-25 crowd, dangit.
The privet, clematis, honeysuckle and chinaberry are blooming madly. There are only 2 old blush roses left, the cherokee's way past done, and even Cecile Brunner and Joseph's coat are slowing down a little. But the Parade minis are just kicking in good. The Confederate jasmine just started to bloom. The smell is heavenly between the bunch of them. The chinaberry smells strongest at night when everybody else has cooled down...something like baby powder, expensive soap, I can't qualify it yet. The spiderwort is brilliant blue. The Fairy rose has opened in its pot on the porch. The morning glories are sprouting.
The vetch and wild geranium have gone to seed and had to be pulled, they always look so ratty at this stage. But the pokeweed and sow thistle are up and going. The pokeweed has that beautiful deep red stem, the sow thistle its glaucous grey-blue. My neighbor and my husband were poking fun at me over the back fence about my weeds. "Look at all those aphids!" Amy said of the pokeweed. I smirked. "Yes," I said, "they are on the pokeweed NOT THE ROSEBUSH!" She went away looking thoughtful.
Current Location: desk
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: "Mother's Day", Tom Chapin
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May 11th, 2008
| 10:08 am - morning musings
so the pregnancy test is still reading negative, but the spotting has stopped. Afraid to hope, but can't help it. I was suddenly, violently, unexpectedly nauseated all afternoon yesterday, and slept twice as much as I usually do. seems to be gone now, but definitely a hormone flush. Just, which one?
had a houseful of guests unexpectedly at 300 this morning, as cognus points out. it's wonderful to wake up to a tribe. Jonesie is upstairs making breakfast, the kids are tormenting the cats, Steph is wandering around like a zombie with her face buried in her coffee mug.
I should go help.
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May 6th, 2008
| 12:43 pm - an interesting paper
http://www.law.uchicago.edu/academics/publiclaw/resources/58-monogamy.pdf
*_
Current Location: desk
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Just Around the Riverbend - Pocahontas
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May 3rd, 2008
| 01:56 pm - breeder genes
If birth control is the intelligent solution to overpopulation....
We are very soon going to be overpopulated by stupid people.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: Broken, Amy Lee; Graceland, Paul Simon
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May 1st, 2008
| 06:50 am - priceless images
| My LiveJournal Sitcom |
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| Visiting mairenn (SHOWTIME, 6:30): mairenn (Liv Tyler) can't find scyllacat (Margaret Cho)'s t-shirt and pretends it was never missing. The week after, cognus (Giacomo, Laura Sa)'s office's air conditioning is broken, and sambear (Kristin Scott Thomas) shows up to fix it. In the next town over, technomom (Joan Collins) and kytyn_ (Jane Seymour) kiss at the doctor's office. Insanity ensues. | | What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern) |
Current Mood: amused
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April 30th, 2008
| 04:48 pm - this old survey i found someplace
1. What time do you wake up in the morning? Well, my alarm is usually set between 5:30 and 6 a.m. so i can see the kids off to school. But far too often i then crash on the couch and don't wake up until well after dawn.
2. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be? Angelina Jolie. Or the Dalai Lama. Preferably both. I want to ask the Lama to learn baby sign so he can tell us who he is much sooner next time. You think I'm kidding.
3. Gold or silver? Which outfit? Which occasion? Which day? 4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? ...I don't remember. It's been a while.
5. Favorite TV Show? I don't watch TV. 6. What do you have for breakfast? When I eat, I might have rice pudding. Or cereal with a banana. Or a pastry or poptart with melon. but usually i don't like to eat breakfast, because it upsets my stomach. so coffee and a cigarette. By brunch, on the other hand, I either want a giant eggs, bacon, toast, grits, juice, etc, or i have been munching on trail mix since i sat down to work.
7. Who would you hate to be left in a room with? a lady from my old church. long story, but basically a backstabbing hypocrite whom I would have to restrain myself from killing. OR somebody I really wanted who was off limits for touching.
8. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Yes. 9. What inspires you? Beauty. 10. What's your middle name? Catherine. My first name's Mairi. 11. Beach, city or country? Country. Or certain small enclaves of city hidden in lots of old gardens. 12. Summer or winter? Sorry, fall and spring. Not too hot, not too cold, and everything's changing color. 13. Favorite ice cream? chocolate fudge with raspberry sorbet
14. Buttered, salted or plain popcorn? Buttered 15. Favorite color? Which day? Anything in jewel tones. Nothing muddy. Hate, hate powder blue and mauve and all those colors with greys in them. which is odd because I love slate, charcoal, dove grey.....Copper, rust, gold. I just love colors.
16. Favorite car? One that runs, holds everything I want to carry, gets great gas mileage, doesn't float around turns, and is paid for. I like my Crown Vic but it's too big. There are a lot of pretty ones in the world. Maybe a Fiat Spider convertible. But I don't know cars very well.
17. Favorite sandwich filling? Roast beef with mayonnaise. Plain american cheese with mayonnaise. Peanut butter and jelly. A Monte Cristo, grilled ham and cheese with raspberry jam and powdered sugar. Grilled portebello mushrooms and sliced tomatoes. 18. True love? Who? Or what? I have a short list, but a long definition. If you're on it you already know you are. The definition can wait.
19. What characteristics do you despise? Anything that looks too much like my own weaknesses. Until I catch myself at it. "I can tolerate anything but a bigot." God/dess loves atheists too, it's just unrequited. 20. Favorite flower? Rose. No contest. Of course I have 300 favorite VARIETIES..... 21. What would you do if you had a big win in the lottery? Pay off my debts. Send the whole family to college. Buy my farm and start my utopian community. Adopt a whole lot of kids and abandoned animals.
22. Fizzy or still water as a drink? Still. Not artificially mineralated, either. 23. What color is your bathroom? beige. with mauve flowers. it is GOING to be sand and surf and wine-dark sea. i already started on the towels. 24. How many keys on your key ring? let's see. four. my house, my mom's house, my car, and my garden gate. plus scissors, a belt clasp, and a pocket knife. One ring per item, chained in order so I can find them by count in the dark. I had a work key until last week when i changed jobs again. 25. Where would you retire to? My farm. Somewhere around here, I think, maybe over in Jasper county. With summers in London. Or Moorea, my great-grandfather's estate in the South Seas.
26. Can you juggle? If yes, how many items? Not really..... 27. Favorite day of the week: Thursday, I'm a Thursday's child. 29. What did you do for your last birthday? Had a very hot bath and cried because I thought I wasn't getting a party. (duh, wimp, schedule your own this year.) So while I was in there sulking my daughter drafted my son and my spouse, (who had actually given me quite a nice present the night before, didn't know I wanted a party and was awfully nice about my bitshfest) cleaned up the entire upstairs, baked a cake and wrapped my present. Then the next day at work my coworkers surprised me. (and no, I didn't tell them, somebody noticed on the corporate calendar) with a cake and presents etc, etc. So I was thoroughly ashamed of myself.
30. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? I don't really expect anyone to, but I bet the person I snagged it from will be surprised. Hope she's pleased. I couldn't find a slam book.
31. Who is the person you expect to send this back first? See above. But there might be a race:) Cause I'm so cool. 32. What is your favorite liquor? Cointreau. I can't drink anymore but it smells wonderful. And it feels good evaporating. I have been known to use it for perfume. 33. What are you allergic to? Tetanus, Lortab, aspirin, some kinds of plastic, sulfa drugs. Dill, fennel and certain other green herbs upset my stomach, but not life-threatening. 34. What is your dream job? Priestess. Teacher. Healer. Gardener. Musician. Artist. Crafter. Something like my dream farm that lets me do it all.
Current Location: still here
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: keyboard
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| 04:03 pm - way past morning
let's see, what's interesting? what will I want to remember happened today?
My daughter just got tagged to go take her drug test for her first job. The job I had until last week, as a matter of fact. She's pretty impressive and they are understandably impressed. She went in with me for "training" before I quit, but mostly I ran copies and read a book while she showed them she could already do the job. I miss newspaper. But if I don't start making better line count soon the move back to transcription will have been wasted. I think I can, there's not so much pressure finally.
My son is practicing carving inlay for the guitar he wants to build. We've ordered the first batch of wood and metal he will need. I would rather it were an acoustic, but then I am technologically impaired. I did see an electric guitar I liked in the little shop downtown, which hopefully Lee will be apprenticing in this summer; it was pale wood, birch and maple, with simple, flowing lines. Not bad at all for an electric, and a lovely voice. But I think he sold it. I still have to learn to play the instruments I have, and besides, I'm running out of places to put them.
The young hawk was in my neighbor's front oak tree this morning, and successfully avoided the crow, who was understandably irate.
The kerria is finally dropping its bloom, and the pink creeping phlox is almost done, but the blue phlox is still moodling along. So are the columbines, I have to remember to save some seed. Joanie's Carolina jasmine is covered in seed pods, I saved a pocketful if I can remember not to put them in the wash.
The chinaberry will be open by this weekend, I can't wait for the smell. The way grandma's doilys smelled, like powder. The white miniature rose - never been sure which one, I know it's a Parade, maybe Bianca? It goes peachy and pink in cool weather - has been nearly completely engulfed by sweet autumn clematis. I am either going to have to move it, shovel prune it, or dig out the clematis. Really I need to redo that entire bed, that's going to happen SO soon:\ But at least I got one neighbor to check with me before he sprays his side of the fence. Now if I could just train the other one......
Now, now, enough with the fatalism. I actually got my ordinary day chores over on my lunch break. I have been eating, drinking water, taking my vitamins and getting exercise today. So why not believe in a flowerbed?
Things are looking up.
Current Location: here
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: angel voices
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| 08:15 am - morning
i seem to be regaining my equilibrium finally. It has been a very strange week.....couple of weeks....couple of months....few months......but I am getting back on track. I think.
let's see. Last year this time, we were flush in the pocket and working on starting a baby. I had just gone to working full-time at the paper as a graphic designer, a job I loved. We made the baby. We sent Lee to a gifted summer program. We started teaching Steph to drive. I started playing D&D with friends and having a social night every Friday, rebuilding my tribe.
Steve lost his job. I lost the baby. We turned our pockets inside out, picked ourselves up by our bootstraps, and started over. I went back to transcription part time in addition to the full time newspaper job, and goodbye Friday social hour. He got another job. We made some kind of a Christmas out of damn near nothing, we delayed a mortgage payment. We refinanced the house and paid off most of our debts. I gave up the newspaper job to go full-time at transcription. My mom came to visit, and brought my grandmother. Steph had to go to prom (yes, she HAD to go to prom.) We put off paying taxes until the last minute, and ended up owing far less tax than we thought we were going to. My body has recovered enough to start trying for another baby, and I got some very welcome, unexpected assistance in redecorating the nursery. I seem to be getting better at communicating with the people who matter to me.
Now Beltane is upon us, and maybe, just maybe, a time to breathe, to ground, to center, to regenerate. To have faith in Her gifts. The roses are going mad after last year's drought. My son actually raked the back yard.
things are looking up.
Current Location: my messy office
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/thankful.gif) grateful
Current Music: Hard Day's Night
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mairenn's journal
